Thursday, September 29, 2005

Entry 4

"You just ruined the best feeling ever. I am this close to slapping you."

"Is it bad that I find you more attractive with your mouth covered?"

"What if I just bit your nipple off right now?"

Me: "Would you still love me if I had inverted nipples?"
Him: "Only if you had just one."

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Entry 3

"Shut up and keep Swiffering the kitchen as God intended."

"If you had to survive in the wild you would have been dead years ago."

"Sleep with your mouth closed tonight."

"Sometimes you make my penis want to jump off and run away to Alaska."

Him: "I like when you wear pigtails."
Me: "Why, because I look like a five-year-old?"
Him: "That's right, submissive and hairless from the neck down."

"I'm going to fill your vagina with honey and tie you to an anthill."

Entry 2

"I'm going to tear out your Fallopian tubes and arrange them in a smile on your face."

After I farted in bed:
"I'm going to plug up your rancid butthole with my penis."

On my singing abilities:
"You sound like you're beating a cat to death with a baby."

Entry 1

"I'm going to stick an egg beater up your vagina and make a Spanish omelet out of your ovaries."

2 days later: "On second thought, make that a Denver omelet. I like my eggs runny."

"I'm going to shove my fist up your butt."

"I'm going to rip your butt inside out and rub salt on it."

"I can hear you chewing."

"Your eyes are the color of poop."